ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
