I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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