Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
