So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
