I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
