theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
