apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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