the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
