so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
only you would photoshop your dick
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
did i walk over a car last night?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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