Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
