at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
