I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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