I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Two words: nipple clamps
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