every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize