Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
