It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I wear drunk well.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
