Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
