She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
