i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
