I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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