Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
