just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
