Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
