and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere