some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
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We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom