Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.