Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting