"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.