so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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