He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
