i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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