he wants to bone in the snuggie
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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