Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
