Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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