saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
