Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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