May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
