Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
