Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
