I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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