the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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