Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We got so high we made milksteak
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
