we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
