Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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