I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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