She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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