I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
