I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
