FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
