Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
