dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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