my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
