No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
