Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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