I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
