at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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