I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
