Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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