You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
