U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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