This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
