So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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