I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
