Where is the hickey?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
