Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
