bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
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I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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