Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
